A conversation between two apes

A1:  Hey, man.  I’m hungry.

A2:  Me too.  There isn’t enough fruit any more.

A1:  That’s because there aren’t enough trees.

A2:  There should be some fruit in those trees over there.

A1:  Are you crazy?  How are you going to get past the tigers?

A2:  Run.

A1:  Run?  On what?  Your legs, ankles, feet and hips are adapted for swinging in trees.  You can hold on with your arms and eat with your feet but that knuckle walking isn’t going to get anywhere quickly.

A2:  In case you haven’t noticed, there’s nothing to eat here, Einstein.

A1: You go out there on the grass and the only thing that will be eaten is YOU.

A2:  I’ll take my chances on the ground.  It’s better than starving to death with a bunch of chumps like you. 

The second ape jumps to the ground and is promptly eaten by a tiger.  The first ape jumps out of the tree, runs around the tiger and says

A2:  Who is the chump now? 

The first ape happens to have funky hips that let him run a little faster.  He makes it to the other trees and finds 72 female apes, who feed him fruit and have sex with him all day long.  He lives like a king and has 350 children and 800 grandchildren.  They inherit his funky fast-running hips.  Some of their offspring have funky ankles that enable them to run even faster. 

They never forget about the chumps who stayed in the trees.  Millions of years later, they invent National Geographic and TiVo and make movies of their cousins the chumps (now called “chimps” to be PC) eating ants off sticks and with their naked butts up in the air. 

There is some truth behind the joke.  I’ll explain in a few days.

One Response

  1. […] on September 7, 2008 by Rock Dad My chimp/chump story from last week is a simplified example of how one ape species split into two.  This splitting is […]

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